We can say the same for our beloved sport of cross-country skiing. As much as we all care about this sport, we have certainly gone down the wrong path from time to time. And clearly, our biggest mistake was the big change in the early 1990's from one-piece zoot suits to two-piece racing suits. Just as every American alive in 1963 remembers where they were when John F Kennedy was assassinated, I remember exactly where I was in 1992 when I heard the shocking announcement that some of my college teammates wanted to switch from our comfy, worn-in, urine-yellow University of Wyoming onesies to two-piece zoot suits with that tight uncomfortable elastic waistband right around the middle! My teammates told me "everyone" was switching to two-piece suits, and they were better if you had to poop. I realized right then and there that a small (but important) part of our sport had died.
For the next decade or so, it seemed you couldn't buy a one-piece racing suit if you wanted to, but fast forward twenty years, through skiing's dark ages to the present time, and what do you see? You see the Norwegian national team wearing one-piece zoot suits again! You see APU wearing onesies! It's like a renaissance! A rebirth! All is not lost after all!
But here's the greatest news of all - UAA has just ordered a shipment of one-piece racing suits for the team, and we're going to look fabulous in them! Let me ask you something: when you climb out of the warm steamy bubble bath and sit down to relax in front of the fireplace on your bearskin rug with a glass of cognac, do you wrap yourself in a lycra spandex robe? No, of course you don't! You want the luxurious feel of terrycloth.. Terrycloth is made from natural cotton. It absorbs water and moisture to get it away from your skin. Terrycloth was invented by the gods and sent down to us to be used for our comfort, and frankly I'm surprised we only use it in towels. In the seventies, though, people were a lot smarter than we are now, and they put terrycloth to far better use in far more products. I remember a wonderful green terrycloth shirt I had in fifth grade. And a couple of my friends were even named "Terry". I was so jealous.
The UAA Ski Team is usually at the cutting edge of everything, and I'm proud to be part of it all. Below is a sneak preview of our new one-piece racing suits for the coming winter:
When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you race fast! You can't deny that we're all going to look delicious in these new ski suits. And at the end of the ski race... straight to the awards banquet. No need to change outfits! The wording of the ad says it all: "Designed for people like you who make things happen. With a fit that makes the most of your body... and a look of smooth, sexy comfort." The men will most certainly be getting the version with the hood.
I'm really starting to look forward to this year's race season. Now, I just need to start growing a nice mustache...